Didn't We Almost Have it All?
by IlovetowriteSMP
Summary: Very short story about the intertwining friendships of Jarly and Spinlu and about how a person copes with being in love with their best friend. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Didn't We Almost Have it All**?

**Characters- Jason, Spinelli, Lulu, Carly. **

( The only change in this compared to current GH is that Jason was never arrested for killing Lorenzo)

This isn't a romantic story, not exactly. It's about best friends, family, and lines that blur.

**August 2007**

"_She came into my life and messed it all up. She was loud. Crazy. Completely out of control. She asked for too much. She demanded things she had no right to...time, money, me...she" he smiled "drove me nuts."_

_His voice softened. "She needed me. I needed her. We worked._

"_She told me there would never be anyone...who could be what I was to her. _

"_I made a promise. It's about keeping your word even when you feel like its gonna break you...its about coming back and making it right even after you wrecked her and you, even after you think its too late. Its about forgiveness and faithfulness._

"_Love?_

"_I never tried to love her...not even once...I've tried with other women, tried my hardest,...sometimes you have to try. She didn't try and love me. We didn't think it'd go so far._

"_It sneaks up on you. But then its there. Its real. You can't go back. Its worse than you imagined and everything that keeps you breathing. You go on. You stay. You fight the whole town, your family, your friends, yourself even, just to keep her happy. She needs to be happy or you feel like you let her down...when she's happy nothing else matters. When she smiles its worth it._

"_Its not about you anymore. Its not about if you marry her. If you get what you what. Its not about her being dependent on you...let her go where she needs to go, do what she needs to do...but always make sure she knows you'll be there for her...hold her when she cries...be there when its hard...that's what love is...that's what she taught me."_

XXXXXXXX

**EARLIER THAT DAY**

It wasn't easy to get the courage up to say these words, they had been living right on the tip of his tongue for so long but still he hadn't said them. It wasn't like she didn't know. She knew. Everyone knew.

He loved her.

It didn't make sense. At first, they didn't even like each other. But that lasted how long? Five minutes? Ten? Then he started to be intrigued...to wonder about her and what led her to do the crazy things she did...to worry about her...to want to save her. He still wanted that, if only she would let him.

They sat on the docks together. She was relaxed for once. Not all tense and caught up in drama, which was how he usually found her. There was a gentle breeze in the air, the sun was slipping towards the water, their little tiny bit of the world was calm for right now.

He didn't know much about love, about timing, about how to do this, but he knew he had to.

Spinelli took Lulu's hand. She gave him a small smile.

"Is it just The Jackal or are you happy about something today?"

"You know what? I think I am. I think...well, maybe, I figured some stuff out."

He had never seen her so beautiful. Her eyes seemed to be bursting with something that was rare for her before now: hope.

"Blonde One...Lulu...I," he stuttered. His palms started to sweat. His mouth went dry. He doubted she had a clue the affect she had on him. He couldn't even think straight with her around. It was a miracle he could hack in her presence."I..."

"Oh, Spinelli, oh...maybe I should go first?"

"No, no, please. I have to do this now. Quick or else I won't. I love you! There I said it." His voice went from hyper to very soft "I love you." His eyes watched hers.

And slowly she started to move away from him. Her hand let go of his. Her body scooted back. Her eyes darted down. "I wish you would have let me go first."

For a minute neither said anything. Then Lulu added, "I kissed Logan last night...and I think..."

The name of the guy didn't matter. Dillon. Milo. Logan. It could have been Max or Cooper. It could have been the Quatermaine pool boy or that doctor Drake that all the women in town crushed on. All Spinelli knew was it wasn't him.

All the love he had for Lulu only grew stronger in that moment, as his own insides twisted and he stumbled to his feet. He loved her more now...and she didn't love him back...he wasn't what she wanted.

She jumped to her feet as she saw him getting ready to flee. "Wait! Listen to me...I do care about you.."

Care. Care. Care. Not love.

"Spinelli!" She called as he ran from the docks. "Spinelli!" He could hear the tears in her voice. "Don't leave me, please! Plea-_se_."

But he did.


	2. Chapter 2

Jason walked into his apartment an hour later, flipped on the light, and found Spinelli sitting on the couch with tears running down his cheeks. He hastily tried to wipe them away for a moment, then gave up.

"Hey, Stone Cold, how is the little... Stone...Cold...One?" The sentence faltered as if he lost steam halfway through.

Jason stood there, stuck in mid motion. He had been about to toss his keys on the desk but now he just stared at the younger man. "What happened?"

Spinelli looked down.

When it became clear he wasn't going to answer Jason dropped the keys, closed the door, shucked off his coat and came over to sit next to him.

"Too bad you aren't twenty-one," Jason said "These conversations go better over beer."

Spinelli glanced toward the fireplace, his shoulders shook slightly

He hadn't been any- okay, _much_, - he hadn't been much trouble as a roommate, so far.

Jason never expected to have him here for so long. When they came back from Tennessee he figured the kid would stick around a weekend, week at the longest, but here he was over six months later and to be honest Jason liked having him around.

It usually proved impossible to find people who didn't judge him or ask him to change. He got by with a bare minimum of friends. It was more than enough for him at most times. Still, Spinelli fit into his life- as odd as that sounded. He fit.

Jason had grown to believe he belonged with them- him, Carly, Sonny, and the boys. He would fight to make sure Spinelli didn't fall through the cracks and get pushed aside...left behind...discarded...no, he didn't deserve to be treated that way and Jason damn well wasn't gonna let it go down like that.

Spinelli finally turned to him and asked, his voice lost and confused, "How do you know when you're in love?"

"You just know."

"That can't be true! There has to be more that I'm missing. Because I know I love Lulu. I _know. _She's in my heart. She's...The Blonde One is all I think about...I want her to be happy even if I'm sad...her to be full even if I'm hungry...her safe even if I have to put myself in front of a tank to make sure she is...I'd die for her and I am not just saying that, I would...Isn't that love?"

_It's something_, Jason thought, as his mind drifted to the past and he remembered what it was like to feel the way his friend did now.

Spinelli asked him, "How did you know...the first time...how did you know when you were in love?"

"You just know."

Spinelli looked at him, desperation in his eyes, needing more of an answer than that.

A flood of emotion started to course through Jason at that moment, as he thought abut the past, about how it felt when he got as caught up in a woman, her life, her problems, her hopes, her heart, her dreams, her everything as Spinelli was now. It was better to not think of this...and talking about it, he hated doing that. He hated telling anyone more than he needed to. Then they would all know how foolish he had been once. Most everyone he met had heard all about it already but not many knew the whole truth, how far gone over her he had been back then...how crazy he acted, how insane she made him.

"How?" Spinelli begged "How do you know? Is it because she loves you back?"

"No. Its because you...its when she becomes more important than you."

"But she did love you back, didn't she? She did! But Lulu will never love me so what I _think _I feel, it isn't real...its not love at all, is it? What is it then? What? I feel like everything inside of me is broken."

Spinelli dropped his head into his hands and started to sob. Jason let out a long breath. This is what love was for him, a part of it at least, this is what he tried to give Carly, and Micheal and Morgan, and now Jacob, a person who would sit next to them at the worst moment of their life and not run.

He touched Spinelli's shoulder. He wanted to say it would all be better soon, different, easier. But he knew the truth. It would be more complicated tomorrow than today. Harder. More painful at times. It would never be effortless, not if it was anything like him and Carly.

It would be deeper, richer, it would get so deep inside of him that it would become him. If Spinelli stuck by Lulu it would change him at his core, for the better but not without a cost. The price was the simple part to figure out: everything.

Spinelli gulped in a few shay breaths. "Was it worth it? Loving her? The first woman...did you regret it? How did you forget about her? How do you know it was love at all? Please I need to know...I need to figure this out...I can't face her again if I don't know how to do this. And I can't lose her. Help me."

"Its something you have to figure out when you're living it."

Spinelli leaned back on the couch, defeated. "But I never will. Lulu only acted like she might be able to love me back...she never was going to...The Jackal made a grade A jackass out of himself over her...she doesn't want me, need me, she cares...cares...that's it. She feels sorry for me?"

"No. You've helped her out. Lulu has you in her life because she needs you. I've watched her bang on that door over there, yelling for you. Why do you think she did that? Because only you could talk her down, make her feel all right again, even if you really didn't do anything but listen. If she doesn't want you around, she'd say it. Even if she is not in love with you it doesn't mean that you aren't in...that she doesn't have you in her heart already. That first time for me...I didn't set out to love anyone...but then, a long time after we first met, after we've been through some crazy stuff together and after we saw the worst in each other...it wasn't anything I planned or saw coming...but then she was just there. I loved her."

The younger man took that in. He started to calm down. Jason took that as a good sign and did what he hated to do most, but for a friend he would, he started to speak about her. About how she came into his life and messed it all up.

A slow smile curved his lips as he started to tell the story. "Sometimes you start out as friends or not even that, just two people who both need someone...that's how it was for me..."

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

**Lulu had ended up on Carly's doorstep **in tears. Now they sat on the couch after Lulu poured out the whole story.

"He hates me! He's never going to forgive me. I would rather not be with Logan at all then lose Spinelli. I need Spinelli. I know you can't understand why but I do."

"I understand," Carly said.

"_I need you! You're the only one that doesn't think I'm trash."_

"_Who cares what they think?"_

"_Not you. But I do...if you aren't around, I listen to all of them and I start to think they're right. That's why you got to stick with me, okay?"_

"_I'm not going anywhere."_

"_Right now. Sure. But one of those sweet faced little angels you like so much, one of __**those **__types, will pull you away from me one day. Promise me you won't let that happen? Say I will always be first."_

_He gave her a look. She knew it well. _

"_Jase! Please, man, I...have to know I have one person on my side. I could do this...this life thing...if I knew that."_

"_I'm here. I want to be here or else I would have left. Whatever you think I give you, Carly, well you give me something just as important back."_

"_Nah, I couldn't."_

"_Yeah, you have."_

Lulu said, "He's just...different. Spinelli doesn't judge me or ever act like I'm not enough just how I am. He doesn't ask for anything from me but for me to love him back and I can't. What's wrong with me? I need him so much...I'm terrified of being without him now and I didn't even know him a year ago."

In a tear choked voice, she admitted " I broke his heart. How could I do that? I'm a selfish bitch who doesn't deserve him...but he has to forgive me. He has to. Do you think he will?"

"In time," Carly said " Listen, none of this is ever gonna be black and white. You love him, you don't. He's the one, he's not. It's all of that twisted together and it leaves you confused but not about him. You know you need him. So wait for him, Lulu. Give him time to come to grips with what he can and can't be to you. Let him take it in and decide.

"If he comes back to you again- maybe just doing something as simple as getting you a cup a coffee made just the way you like or making sure a wench who has it out for you doesn't talk bad about you in front of your face or behind your back- then you know. Yeah, he is your best friend. Cause he put aside what he wanted, the whole future he was basing all his dreams on, to still be in your life.

"You don't love him? I think you do. But in a much different way than the kind of chemistry that makes two people want to rip each other's clothes off. Sometimes it starts out that way and it lasts forever.. And other times that's all two people share and they call it love... but you want to know what I think true love is? What I think a soulmate is? The one person who stays with you even after you give them every reason in the world not to.

"And that is better than whatever romantic fantasy you are dreaming up about Logan or Milo or Dillon...I'm not saying don't go for them. If you want one of them so bad that you can't stop yourself, well then, you won't have a whole hell of a lot of choice but to pursue it...to see what it can be...but that doesn't mean Spinelli is out of your life forever. Just don't be unfair to him. Even if it's the hardest thing you have to do, be honest. Cause if you aren't, he will think you're in love with him.

"It will feel like that to him, when you hold his hand and dry his tears and hug him like he's the world to you. It will be impossible for him to not think it's love...I know I did...and it was for me...but if you can't be with him right now tell him. Let him figure out a way to be your friend still."

"What if he can't do that?" Lulu asked

"Then you have to let him go. Be what you fear most for him...alone. But I don't think it will come to that. He'll stay in your life. Its too late for him to do anything else."

"If I lose him," Lulu's lips quivered "I'll die...it's insane to put so much on one person...but my mom is...and my dad...and I can't rely on them. I need Spinelli. He's my one constant. How could I not love him?"

Carly said, "Because right now you need him too much to be in with love him. Maybe it will always be that way."

"_I can only be everything you need, because I'm not in love with you," Jason told Carly._

"_It must be easy for you. Never wondering what might have been. You're lucky. I think about it all the time...what if..."_

_**Didn't we almost have it all?**_

_**When love was all we had worth giving.**_

_**  
The ride with you was worth**_

_**the fall, my friend.**_

_**  
Loving you makes life worth living .**_

_**  
Didn't we almost have it all?  
The nights we held on 'til the morning .**_

_**  
You know you'll never love that way again.  
Didn't we almost have it all ? **_

Whitney Houston

Note- Only two more parts to this story.


	3. Chapter 3

**Didn't We Almost Have it All**?

**Characters- Jason, Spinelli, Lulu, Carly. **

( The only change in this compared to current GH is that Jason was never arrested for killing Lorenzo)

This isn't a romantic story, not exactly. It's about best friends, family, and lines that blur.

**Part Three**

**THAT NIGHT**

"I came to check on Spinelli," Carly said after Jason opened his door.

They hadn't spoken much since she found out about Jacob. She was giving him space. Though it might kill her to go even a day without seeing him, Carly didn't want to argue. Or maybe she just didn't want to look in his eyes and let him see her pain.

She wondered if that was what held him back most from telling her about his son. Knowing the instant pain that would fill her eyes, knowing it would change them, knowing she would have to face one of her worst fears- him belonging to someone else in a way she couldn't touch.

Was it crazy to think Jason hadn't wanted to face that either?

_She ranted, driven by pure pain,"So you looked in my face, day after day, for how many months? And you never said a word. I could have helped you. Did you think I couldn't handle it? That's the worst part...you don't trust me. What everyone thinks is true, huh? You're putting up with me. You don't really need me like I need you..."_

_He said, "I wanted to tell you. I started to a few times. But you would have went after Elizabeth. You know you would have."_

"_She deserves it!" Her anger turned to tears. "I share my whole life with you...it kills me if I have to keep anything from you even for an hour...this was my chance to be there for you and you took it away. You don't need me. Not like I thought you did."_

_She turned and left his office. Her head was held high but anyone who even glanced at her face would see she was falling apart._

_Jason said softly, to the empty space she left behind, "I do need you._"

He motioned for her to come into the Penthouse then closed the door. "He's upstairs. Hasn't been down in a while. You want to go up?"

Carly nodded. For a moment their eyes held. She opened her mouth to speak, thought better of it, sighed and then turned to climb the stairs.

XXXXXXXXX

Nothing scared Jason Morgan more than Carly being silent. Except the thought of losing her, or his kids, but her not talking to him, it was a sort of death. He didn't want to think it would be permanant though.

For 17 days now she hadn't said much to him, unless it concerned the kids, Sonny or Sam. Nothing about them. It was starting to wear on him. The fear was turning into something he hadn't felt in a long time where she was concerned - panic.

_She'll come back to me_, he told himself, _It hasn't been that long- not really. She will forgive me...she will...she has to..._

XXXXXXXXX

Carly spent twenty minutes talking to Spinelli. He seemed the most sedate she had ever seen him. He only called her Valkryie once and that was when he said "Stone Cold misses his Valkryie."

"I'm your Valkryie. Jason would never call me that," she said with a small smile. "And I'm positive he hasn't said a word to you about how he feels about me not busting down his door these last two weeks, three days and," she looked at her watch "ten hours, five minutes, and...well, I know he doesn't count the seconds like I do or anything. And he never says he's lonely or sad."

"But I can tell. It's in his eyes," Spinelli said.

"Yeah, it is." Carly stood up to leave and then said "I can't tell you to stay Lulu's friend. If you can't handle it then you can't, but I think you can. All I can tell you is you won't regret it if you do. Even if your heart stays just this broken, it will still be worth it. When she smiles, you'll forget how it tears your heart out to walk away at the end of the night. You'll forget all the ways you feel cheated. You'll forget everything about yourself and just remember that your best friend is happy. It's a choice. A tradeoff. It's not fair or easy...it feels like a huge joke God is pulling on you sometimes...that you met this amazing person and wow, they like you and they don't think you're a loser or not worthy...I'm totally talking about me here, you get that, right?"

He nodded.

She went on, "And this person becomes your best friend and they even fall in love with you...at least, a little bit...but its not enough or its too much or the time isn't right and you can't be with them. It's hell. But don't run from it. "

"Does it ever stop hurting?"

"No. It hurts more but that's cause it means more. It's a good hurt. Because the second it goes away it means that person doesn't matter to you anymore...and then...well, I'd rather be dead than get to that day."

Spinelli stood up, "Thanks...I'm humbled that you shared this all with me."

"You think you love Lulu, right? If you can stay by her side knowing she may never love you back...then you really do. Think about it."

XXXXXXXXX

Jason was sitting on the couch with a beer when she came back down.

Carly headed for the door. He watched her, telling himself to just give her more time. She would come around when she was ready. They could work this out. They'd been through worse. It wasn't over yet...it would never be over.

She paused, with her back to him. "I bought Jacob some things. I had them sent to Elizabeth. She probably won't let him wear any of them...but..."

"Thanks."

Carly turned around. He let out a quick breath when he saw the hurt swirling around in her eyes. "Spinelli will be okay...don't worry about him, okay? He just needs a little time to work it all out in his head. Its not easy to lose...everything you want in one day...one moment. But him and Lulu they can manage this." A small smile curved her lips. "She didn't even know how important he was to her, till she thought she lost him. She'll be more careful with his heart now. Maybe she won't ever be in love with him, who knows? Maybe by the time she is, he will have changed his mind. But they'll get through all that. They're best friends. I think they'll make it. Don't you?"

"I know he wants them to."

"So does she." A long moment passed. She moved a step back, starting to leave, but not taking her eyes off of him.

She waited for him to say something but he didn't.

Carly squeezed her eyes closed and when they opened she cried "Ahh, Jase! This isn't right. We shouldn't be like this. How did it go this far? Was it because I spent too much time trying to protect Jax and Jerry and wasn't there for you? Did I make it so you couldn't come to me with your problems because I always had too many of my own?"

He stood up and walked over to her. "No, no- it wasn't anything like that. I wanted to help you with all that. You know that."

"I wanted to help you!"

"You can now."

Her eyes searched his, not believing his words at first. "How?"

"Stay..." Jason glanced down "in my life. Don't give up on me."

Her hands rose to cup her face, she made him look at her. "I love you. You are...beyond my best friend...I'm never giving up on you."

He leaned his forehead against hers. Her hands moved down to hold his.

"Good," Jason said.

"Yeah? You think so?"

"Carly, I lost Alan...before I could tell him...I can't lose you, okay?"

She moved a little back and said "Then don't shut me out. That's the one thing that can make us fall apart...if you don't let me in, how can I help you? You've been fixing my life for years but you get all stubborn and act like I can't fix yours. Well, I can be here. I'm here. Sam might be gone...Elizabeth ...well, you know like I do what will happen the next time the bullets start flying and they are aimed her way...but whatever...they can run away from you, I can't. Its not just because I need you to catch me...I need to catch you. Let me."

Slowly, he pulled her into a hug. His body reacted to her immediately, relaxing against her, finding peace and home and the strength he needed to go on. He said "Don't doubt I need you...I love you."

She cried, "I love you so much. You'll never know."

"I know."

From the top of the stairs, Spinelli stopped short and took in this scene. He snuck back upstairs unnoticed.

XXXXXXXXXX

**Eight days later**

He stood at the top of the stairs on the docks, watching her. She was sitting just where he saw her last. She looked prettier to him, more delicate almost, more precious and fragile. Probably because he now knew he could lose her. It was a choice they both had to make, to stay together or become a part of each other's past.

By accident, they fell into a friendship. It started like so much in this crazy town does. Bullets flying, life and death colliding, running to survive, leaning on each other and praying it would all calm down soon. He hadn't wanted to die for her then.

He would in a heartbeat now.

"Lulu."

Her head spun around. A smile started in her eyes and grew wide on her lips. "Hey!" Then she stilled and repeated softly"Hey."

Spinelli walked over and sat down with her. He adjusted his hat, nervously.

"I was just," Lulu said "looking at the water...wondering where my parents might be today. I make up these grand fantasies where my mom wakes up and they're in Paris or Greece or even Texas. Dad loved when they lived in Texas. And they dance together. They're happy. It doesn't even matter, in these dreams, if they ever come back here again or what happens after that moment when they are dancing...I know that's not what's really happening...I know that but..."

"It's nice to imagine what could be, The Blonde One."

"Yeah, it is, Jackal."

After a minute, she took in a breath and turned to face him. "I just wanted to say-"

He cut her off. "Thanks for the chips and stuff."

XXXXXXXX

She had been leaving gifts on his doorstep everyday. His favorite chips, a soda, a CD, the Lord of the Rings book series, a hat, one day she cut out a comic strip and taped it to the door.

She wanted him to be happy, even if she couldn't be with him. She wanted him to remember her. She wanted to say _I do love you, _in my own way, _Please, let that be enough. Please, don't leave me forever._

She searched his eyes. "Spinelli, I'm not going to date Logan."

There wasn't anything she wouldn't give up for him. He was more than worth it to her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Part Four**

"Thanks for the chips and stuff," Spinelli said.

She searched his eyes. "Spinelli, I'm not going to date Logan."

"Did The Unworthy One do something to upset you? He didn't force you into anything, did he?"

"No, no, of course not. Logan is all right, if you get to know him. I just...I don't want anything to mess us up- me and you. He's just a boy, a guy, whatever...he's- not you."

Spinelli asked softly, "But you want to date him, right?"

She looked down. "I don't know what I want..."

"Yes, you do. But, all this time, you've been pushing it aside for me. You already lost your chance with Dillon and turned down Milo, too. Did you want to do that? The Jackal has been blind. My own foolish heart obscured my vision but now I think I am starting to see with twenty/twenty perception..."

Lulu's eyes met his. She started to tear up. "I need you the most."

Spinelli assured her quickly, "It's okay. You can date whoever you want. Even that Crabby Commando. I shall remain your ever faithful..."

She flung her arms around his neck.

"Friend," he finished as his arms rose to hug her back.

Lulu held on to her with a sort of desperation that told him all he needed to know. She loved him back. It wasn't just the way he would have liked it to be, but it was still real. It was still the best thing in his life.

_**Didn't we have the best of times?  
When love was young and new.**_

_**  
Couldn't we reach inside and find?  
The love of me and you.**_

_**  
We'll never lose it again!  
Cause once you know what love is**_

_**you'll never let it end.**_

_**Didn't we almost have it all?  
**_

_**XXXXXXXX**_

_**  
**_

**She watched through her window **as Jason walked onto her porch. In his arms he held Jacob.

For a moment, she stood completely still, her face crumpling but then she rushed over and yanked open the door.

A smile curved over her lips, as tears ran onto her cheeks.

"Carly, I want you to meet my son."

Her eyes stayed on Jason's for a long moment, working up the nerve to finally glance down. He nodded at her, silently pushing her to take another leap, to have some faith in him, in them, to stay with him a little longer- another minute, another day, till they could figure this all out.

When her eyes met Jacob's, she gasped. "Your son," the words were whispered but filled with love.

She motioned them in off the stoop.

He took a few steps toward the couch and then stopped. Jason stood there looking unsure. "Do you...do you...want to hold him or ..."

She nodded. He moved close and passed the child to her. She let out a shaky breath."Hey there, little boy. Guess what? You hit the jackpot. You got the best dad this world has to offer."

Jason blinked back tears. Before he could say anything Micheal and Morgan came running down stairs and soon they were surrounded by children. The boys excitedly greeted the newest member of their family, while the adults kept their eyes on each other.

She thought about:

"_I did something," Carly said "you won't like it...I told Tony you are my baby's father."_

He thought about:

"_It's not a lie," Jason told A.J. "I said I'm his father and I am."_

She thought:

"_We decided to name the baby Morgan. It works if we have a boy or a girl."_

He thought:

"_I would be proud to have my sons grow up to be like you."_

She thought:

"_Tell me I can do this and I will believe you. There's nobody who I trust more than you."_

He thought:

"_I didn't lose Carly," Jason told Sam "She will always be a part of my life."_

_**Didn't we almost have it all?  
The night we held on till the morning.**_

_**You know you'll never love that way again  
Didn't we almost have it all?  
Didn't we almost have it all?**_

XXXXXXXXXX

**That night**

Jason sat in his penthouse, alone. He held his lockbox. Inside he placed a new picture. It showed Carly holding Jacob.

He stared at it for a long moment, smiled slightly, then closed the box and locked it.

_**Didn't we almost have it all?  
When love was all we had worth giving?**_

_**  
The ride with you was worth the fall, my friend.  
Loving you makes life worth living.  
**_

_**Didn't we almost have it all?**_

_**XXXXXXXXXXX**_

Carly rushed through the door carrying a pizza. "Hey, I got dinner."

"You could knock, Carly."

"You would lock it if you really wanted to keep me out." She looked around. "Are you...do you have time for me right now?"

He raised his hands in a vague motion that would have meant nothing to anyone else. But to her it meant :_ I'm here for you now and every time you need me. Just like I know you will be for me. I can't send you away because I need you too much...I need us._

She smiled and plopped down next to him, then spotted the lock box.

Carly turned and studied his eyes. He looked good- no lingering traces of sadness, doubt or fear. For right now, Jason was without worries. She had missed seeing him looking that way.

"What?" he asked when she was still staring at him a minute later.

She smiled, evoking a million memories and fantasies he had about her.

Jason remembered her face when he asked _" A boy on the side? Is that what I am? Is that like a side order of fries?"_

Carly remembered his face when she yelled _"We could be married and have three kids by now!"_

"Come on, Carly," he said with a chuckle and moved to open the pizza box.

They settled in to eat their pizza, laughing and joking, being completely relaxed in a way they could only be together.

Her eyes moved back to meet his, it was something they had done countless times, saying it all without a word, remembering who they were to each other.

"_We're good the way we are. We're right," Jason had told whenever she looked at him in a certain way. Whenever she was craving the dream life she lost somehow._

"_I wanted more," Carly said " I wanted you."_

"_You have me. I'm right here._"

"_I wanted it all."_

_**Didn't we almost have it all?  
Didn't we almost have it all?**_

THE END

Thanks for reading! I could never get enough of Jarly. I just wanted to write a little something for fans of their friendship as it is, though I will always and forever want it to be more.

Sara


End file.
